Arguments happen all the fucking time, and they’re inevitable. And a lot of times, they can escalate to ridiculous heights and whole fights break out. And while it’s okay to argue sometimes, what tends to happen is one would initiate personal attacks on the other and things spiral way out of control. This is especially true with couples and often damages their stability. Having complaints about the other is normal, but criticisms hurt and should be controlled if not outright forbidden.

What’s the difference?

Generally, a complaint is a statement of dissatisfaction. For example, your girl laughs in a way that really annoys you, and you let her know that it does. Simple as that.  A criticism, on the other hand, is a full on personal attack, usually done with ill intent. Unfortunately, we lose control and we tend to accidentally criticize our others when all we want to do just vent our frustrations to them, and that leads to a lot of trouble.

Compare these two:

“You know the smell of curry chicken is really strong and it makes my clothes smell funny. You should make sure there’s proper ventilation when you’re cooking.”

VS.

“You know how much I hate the smell of curry chicken. Why can’t you ever properly ventilate when you’re cooking? I hate repeating myself. Why do you always have to be so careless and forgetful?

They both have the same idea, but which of these do you think is more hurtful? In general, a complaint turns to criticism when you start insulting and attacking them personally.

Why is criticizing so bad?

Criticisms are awful because in no instance should you insult somebody unless they really and truly deserve it (which most of the time is unlikely). When it comes to relationships, you must be very careful about what you say to your partner. A lot of girls are easily discouraged and don’t have as much thick skin and thus aren’t so susceptible to even the smallest of criticisms.

Criticisms KILL their self-esteem. It crushes them into little pieces and make them feel worthless and inadequate. Why the fuck would you wanna make a girl cry? She isn’t with you to hear you bitch about how she sucks at life. You’re supposed to make her happy.

By always telling her that she can’t do anything right, she will really start to believe you. This will affect not only your relationship but her life in general, and I fucking GUARANTEE a break-up will be on the horizon.

The criticisms go both ways. Do you ever want your girl to tell you you’re worthless or you can’t do anything right? Do you want them to associate you with every bad thing that happens?

How can you get around it?

Is there a way to vent your frustrations and making your point without making her feel like shit? Absolutely. There’s nothing that can’t be solved without civil conversations. Sit her down, let her know what’s bugging you. Even if you’re fuming, control yourself. Men shouldn’t lose control over their emotions–that’s a sign of weakness.

Talk to her, and let her know what’s going on. She can’t fix whatever she’s doing wrong if she doesn’t know that it even bothers you. Insulting and berating her won’t speed up the process either. Usually, girls will realize and acknowledge the fault when you bring it up and they will work to fixing it on their own.

Remember, she wants to keep you happy as well.

Arguments are necessary

As annoying as they are, arguments are necessary to have a long and lasting relationship. If you aren’t having arguments in your relationship, chances are you both are bottling things in which is EXTREMELY unhealthy. Couples have a hard time saying what they really feel, which ends up on huge scale feuds and hurt feelings.

Arguments also allow you guys to figure out what’s bugging you both and how you can reach a compromise. That being said, if you’re arguing too often, then you guys need to sort yourselves out and ask if you two should really be together.

Whenever you’re annoyed with somebody, it’s okay to express your feelings. However, that can be done civilly. Complaints will happen, but don’t ever tread into criticism territory. It’s hurtful and 90% of the time completely unwarranted. Talk things out with her and you’re likely to have better results than when you’re beating her self-esteem senseless.

You’ve got dating problems. Great. You go to your friends for advice and what do they say? The same bad advice: “Just be yourself, man! If she doesn’t appreciate that, screw her.” And guess what? You keep following that advice, expect yourself to never get a chick.

Consider this: you’re having girl problems because you ARE yourself. Think, if you’re always “yourself” like the whole world suggests, why do you keep having girl problems? Men need to stop this arrogant and ultimately stupid way of thinking, which goes along the lines of “I’m perfect and she has to accept EVERYTHING about me or else she’s not right for me.” The fact of the matter is that you need to evaluate yourself and fix things.

Sometimes it’s trivial, other times it’s quite problematic.

The degree of this problem varies with people. For some, it’s usually just a bad habit that can easily be fixed. Others, it’s a lot more severe. There was a guy I knew and even though he was a decent person, he always had troubles with girls and was seriously flawed. He was always over critical of girls and expected far too much from them, bitched and moaned a lot about everything, and was a bit of a stalker and obsessive with any girls he liked. Guess what all his friends told him whenever he came crying when a girl rejected him?

“Fuck those girls man, they don’t appreciate you for who you are. Just keep being yourself.”

Fuck that pride shit, if you got shit wrong with you, you need to change yourself. Being witty or quirky are personality traits. Stalking and cornering chicks for not talking to you one night is a serious problem that needs FIXING.

Evaluate yourself!

It all starts with a self-evaluation. You need to admit to yourself that certain things about yourself is NOT working out, whether it’s the fact that you act really shy around girls or that you act like a fucking moron around them. Learn to swallow your pride and really tell yourself “Fuck, I’m screwing up big time.” The reason many people never change is because they refuse to admit that they’re doing something wrong. How long do you want to keep fucking up, really?

What they want and what they don’t.

There are also some general things that girls look for. Ask yourself, “Do I possess confidence? Do I have self-esteem? Am I good at holding up a conversation?” Things like that. If you do, then that’s great. If not, then you need to LEARN how you can attain those attributes. The great thing about life is that pretty much anything can be learned. You just need to really devote yourself to it.

Then you need to really weed out all the things that give you problems with girls. What has worked for you? What has women responded to in the past? Inversely, what turned them off? What could you have done differently that might have given a different response? Make a list and keep track of these things.

The common reasons that guys fuck up is that they’re:

• Too clingy and needy.
• Too obsessive and over-analytic.
• Say inappropriate things to girls.
• Just plain boring.
• Severely lacking confidence and leadership.
• In a mindset that they’re perfect.

Now you gotta apply.

After you know what works and what doesn’t, make the appropriate adjustments. People are afraid of change and going out of their comfort zone, but the more you linger the more you’re going to cause harm to yourself. People will always continue to evolve and adapt and change is something that needs to happen time to time.

Remember, if sealing the deal doesn’t work out for you, you probably need to work on your approach. Learn to curb your hubris and admit to faults. If you were always “yourself”, you would never have problems. Evaluate, add and subtract and you will do far better from then on.

You’re in a relationship. You guys love each other, talk often, and everything just seems to go perfect. One day, out of the blue, she tells you four words you never expected to hear: “I need some space.” You’re like, “…What?” You wonder what the hell is going on. Why did all of this happen out of nowhere? What possible mistake could you have made? Guess what buddy? You were smothering her and you didn’t even know it.

What is Smothering?

Smothering is when you continue to call her, text her, tell her how much you miss and love her every waking moment, 24/7 and 365 days a year. It’s when you see her almost every day. It’s when you get worried for her for absolutely no reason and always telling her to be okay. In general, it’s when she has too much unwanted exposure to you. It’s something guys do unintentionally and a lot of times, is the reason girls dump guys.

Think about it. Would you like to get fifty phone calls during the day? Would you honestly spend every damned minute with her? I didn’t think so and guess what? They feel that way too. What happens usually is that guys feel that in order to keep the relationship wheels turning, they need to constantly remind the girls that they care and that they love them.

Why is it so bad?

It makes logical sense right? In actuality, it turns them off considerably. It makes them want to see you less. It makes them not want to think about you at all because they’re just so overexposed to you. You know what that is? The absolute opposite of attraction. As you write her poems and shit, she wants to see and talk to you less and less and that strains your relationship, a lot of times to the point of breaking up. It’s not sweet, it’s not cute. As much as you try to justify and defend your need to tell her you love hair a hundred fucking times a day, smothering is annoying and she will HATE you for it.

Fortunately, it’s easy to avoid this pitfall.

You see, you need to change your mindset first and foremost. You need to tell yourself that:

• You don’t have to talk to her all day.
• You don’t have to see her EVERY day.
• Just because she isn’t talking to you, doesn’t mean she’s being mean.
• Keep the “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY OMG” shit down. It’s not sweet or romantic, only creepy.
• If you truly miss her every second of your life, you seriously need to make friends and find hobbies. She should NOT be the center of your life.

It happens to everybody.

This is very common for those that are getting in their first real relationships. You must realize that the more you give in to your insecurities, the more you’re pushing her away. Don’t always call or text her. Let her live her life and you should live yours. You don’t always have to hang out. I find that seeing your girl twice a week is optimal. That way, you guys don’t terribly miss each other, but are apart long enough to really look forward to your next meeting. The amount of time you guys spend together doesn’t equal how much love there is between you two.

In the event it’s too late and she wants some space, it’s best you give it to her. Let her just chill out for a while and before you know it, you guys should be back the way it was before.

Relationships are wonderful, and like every good thing in the world, they get screwed up time to time. But believe it or not, men are at fault a lot of times and they bring their own demise. Worst of all, they don’t realize what they’re doing wrong. Here are the five most common mistakes I have made myself as well as noticed guys make in relationships.

They are too “there”

Boyfriends will always be there for their girlfriends. You’d think that’s the whole point of a relationship right? It’s funny because girls are fucked up and the fact that you are there for her ALL THE TIME can really damage a relationship. Just like how you wouldn’t respond to all calls and texts from a girl you’re dating, the same rule applies to couples.

You need to treat girls as you would treat your cat; you always need to dangle things in front of them but never actually give it to them. It keeps their fickle natures interested. However, once they do get it, they get bored and move on. Guys screw up a lot by always calling and texting and responding and changing around their plans for their girls all the damn time. She needs to know that you have stuff to do and she will be put on the back burner time to time.

This shows her that your time is valuable and if it is always offered, it loses meaning to them. Remember, one of the most important thing to know about girls is that they want what they can’t have. They need something to look forward to.

They are too Stagnant

Thirsty Thursdays and Movie Night Mondays were great when you first started them, but after a few months, they get old, tiresome and irritating. The same goes for inside jokes, catchphrases, what have you. Always try to make progress whether it is in mannerisms or activities or even setting.

She loved you for your spontaneity when you guys first started to date, and there is no reason that you should stop being that way. The key to a healthy relationship is trying new things (even in the bedroom) and keeping things fresh. After the first few months of the relationship (aka the Honeymoon period), guys just stop putting in effort. It’s an extremely easy thing to avoid as well, you just gotta stop being lazy. Again, KEEP IT FRESH.

They are too counseling

Remember, you’re her lover, not her therapist. Leave the counseling to her friends, unless the circumstances are so serious that your gigantic nugget (hehe) of wisdom must come to provide aid. Girls don’t believe in reason and logic so you shouldn’t try to force feed your perspective to her as it will only make her do and say crazy shit.

She also doesn’t need you for support and her being attracted to you has nothing to do with whether or not you can pick apart her brain. It’s great that you can provide firm emotional support for her, but be extremely wise about when to use your superpowers. She doesn’t need you to pick her up and put her pieces back; she has her close circle of friends for that. It isn’t your responsibility anyways.

They are afraid to initiate (break up)

If there is anybody that is guilty as charged, it’s me. I can’t tell you how many times I held back when I should have just done the deed. Breaking up is an extremely tough trigger to pull but sometimes it must be done. A lot of times guys will see warning signs and they will hope things will auto-heal, but that leads to things spiraling out of control and the girl dumping the guy.

That’s wrong for a couple of reasons. One, we are prideful creatures and if there is any kind of dumping, we should NOT be on the receiving side. Two, if things are clearly going wrong and the signs are there, sticking around is about as productive as browsing porn at work. Breaking up shows girls that you aren’t gonna take their shit, and a lot of times puts them to check.

You need to exercise your authority in the relationship as the man, and you can’t take a passive approach when you’re faced with something so important. Either way, separation helps you both to realize your feelings for each other. Sometimes, it’s a permanent end, but other times can really propel the relationship to greater heights.

They start to act like women

Sometimes, we just lose it and start to be little bitches ourselves. Guys get needy. They get insecure. They get weak. And worst of all, all these emotions are brought out in front of her. Like girls, guys will start to get worried if they don’t text back quick enough, or make enough phone calls during the day. They start to act out of character and start to lose composure.They start to bitch and vent to their girlfriends.

You must remember that whatever you feel and whatever is going on, she should not see any of it. If you have problems, go hang out with your friends. But in the eyes and ears of your girl, you gotta be as firm as a rock. She doesn’t want to hear about how much your life sucks.

What are some other pitfalls that you have run into in your relationships?