Compromise is balance. Compromise is tending to each others needs. Many couples have problems because one either refuses to compromise with the other or give up too much and end up upset and unsatisfied. The key to a lasting relationship is balance and to achieve balance, c0mpromise must be made between couples.

What is compromise?

com⋅pro⋅mise [kom-pruh-mahyz], noun, verb:
a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands

In English, it means when two people stop being little shits and reach a middle ground for the overall benefit for both. It doesn’t have to be a literal object all the time, but can also pertain to pretty much everything such as certain habits, hobbies, or other lifestyle choices. A compromise is usually made when one party brings up an issue with another one and if deemed reasonable, they both agree to adjust things. Sometimes, a compromise can be a sacrifice. Other times, however, it can be something that should have been changed in the first place.

Why is it necessary?

Compromising is the difference between a healthy, stable relationship and one that ends relatively quickly. Relationships require effort and tender care from both involved and as such, requires that both parties are satisfied for things to go smoothly. Many pointless fights happen because of stupid things like conflicting TV show schedules or what to have for dinner that become seeds for bigger conflicts in the future.

Simply put, everybody wants to have a peaceful relationship that’s as conflict free as possible. In order for that to happen, both of you have to be relatively happy and satisfied.

Thinking objectively

Men tend to be very hubristic creatures. I admit it, I always think that I’m Mr. Right. And even though I’m right most of the time, there are times when I’m really wrong.

Compromise teaches you to look at things objectively. We don’t realize it, but we can be very biased about things. We don’t give things a chance, or have our minds firm about something simply because “I know I’m right.” How many times have you felt that way about something? How many times have you been wrong?

One time, my girl and I went to see a movie. There was a movie she wanted to see badly but I wouldn’t watch it unless you dragged my dead body to the showing. I already made up my mind about it sucking and had another one in mind. My psychic powers with zero scientific basis told me it was supposed to suck. Nevertheless, I grit my teeth and went in anyways in order to avoid her bitching all night.

Ironically, I really enjoyed it and was kind of glad that I saw this movie instead of the other one.

Learn to give things up

You need to give to get. It’s the law this universe has been run by since the dawn of time and it’s worked out well so far. If you expect anything from your girl, you need to be ready to make some sacrifices.

Sometimes, they can be tough to do. Maybe you have a lifestyle choice that absolutely must be changed. You may feel that it’s fine for you but isn’t suitable for the relationship. Things like curbing your smoking/drinking habits, becoming more neat & tidy and such can be extremely tough for those who are well used to that kind of lifestyle.

Other times, they aren’t even serious. Is cleaning the dishes some days really that much to ask? Is something so simple worth getting into a fight over?

Some of things, however, must be changed not for the relationship, but for you as a person. As I mentioned, if you have serious alcohol related problems, not only will it strain your relationship but it’ll take you down to a spiral of suck. She shouldn’t even have to ask you to change such life threatening things.

..But have some self-respect. Don’t give up everything.

A line has to be drawn somewhere. Just because you’re listening to some of her demands doesn’t mean you must bow down to all of them. Don’t be a pushover. If you feel strongly about something, talk it out with her. Just as you shouldn’t dictate her life and her choices, she has no right to do the same to you.

I know for sure there are some things I will never give up no matter what’s at stake. At times, things just become a core part of you and make up your overall personality.

Balance

Remember, compromise is a balance. The scale should never sway one way but sit comfortably in the middle. One sided relationships arise from a person giving up too much for another person which usually turn out horribly. You must tend to your partners needs but in turn she has to return it as well. Don’t think of it as something reserved for big decisions but something you must deal with on a minute basis.You don’t realize it but compromise is being met daily between you and your partner.

“Learn from your mistakes!”

You’ve heard it all your life, but how many of you truly listened to that statement? How many times have you really fucked something up and actually learned from it? Rather, how many times have you done something wrong and blamed it on something else?  The difference between growing and staying stagnant is the ability to admit to your mistakes and learning from them.

Exercise personal responsibility.

It’s hard, really, to accept responsibility for anything. I know I’ve had a lot of trouble with this and still do to some degree. Thing is that, unless it was absolutely out of your control, you’ve played some part in what you screwed up on. This doesn’t mean you should put yourself on some endless guilt trip because that won’t solve anything. Instead, accept and admit that you did mess up.

I had a lot of trouble accepting a lot of things that I did wrong with my ex-girlfriend. I always pinned the blame on her for us breaking up but I never stopped to realize that I was fucking up as well. It’s easy to blame someone else but you get to the root of the problem once you objectively look at something.

Yes, she fucked up and made mistakes. A lot of them, in fact. And so did I. Had I stopped being stubborn and ate my pride a little, maybe we would still be together. Regardless, this was an extremely important and valuable life lesson that I needed to learn and it’s helped me grow.

Evaluate what you did wrong.

So now that you’ve admitted that you did something wrong, what exactly did you do wrong? This is when you should sit down and analyze. Playback the event and see what you could have done alternatively.

Many people would disagree about replaying bad events in your mind, and although I agree to a certain extent, I believe that replaying your mistakes helps you realize your wrongs. It’s painful, yes, but I believe that it’s necessary.

Once you’ve pinpointed the moment(s) where things went to hell, REMEMBER THEM. That purpose of you screwing up is so that you..

DON’T do it again

That is why we mess up. In fact, it’s okay to make mistakes, providing we learn from them. Growing up, we fuck up daily and we learn important things such as how to deal with girls and how to cope with making mistakes. The point, however, is to NOT do it again.

It’s very tempting to make the same mistakes over and over again. In fact, most things take us about a million times before we realize that we’re going in circles. I used to make the same mistakes with girls all the damn time as I was growing up, and it took me until I was in college to realize that I’m fucking up. I evaluated my mistakes and haven’t made (most of) them since. Can you guess how successful I’ve been after my realization?

DON’T beat yourself up

Earlier when I mentioned acceptance, I talked about really learning to admit that you screwed up. I do believe that we have control over a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean we realize it all the time. Remember, it’s totally okay to make mistakes. EVERYBODY makes mistakes. What you need to do is stop sulking about it. You can’t change the past and no matter how much you wish or pray, the past will be the past. Instead, focus on what you DO have control over and that’s THE FUTURE.

I used to beat myself up for every little fucking thing that went wrong. Break ups, financial problems, even when I failed my first road test. I soon began to realize that this does nothing but kill my self esteem and optimism and I opted to just deal with it. You shouldn’t be too apathetic about it but don’t let it bog you down either. Find a nice, happy medium. The mistakes that affect you somehow are usually the ones that get fixed first.

Remember, it’s ABSOLUTELY okay to make mistakes. However, in order to truly grow, you must evaluate your mistakes and LEARN FROM THEM. When you’re put into a similar situation and instead take an alternative action, you’ll know you’ve learned.