You’re in a relationship. You guys love each other, talk often, and everything just seems to go perfect. One day, out of the blue, she tells you four words you never expected to hear: “I need some space.” You’re like, “…What?” You wonder what the hell is going on. Why did all of this happen out of nowhere? What possible mistake could you have made? Guess what buddy? You were smothering her and you didn’t even know it.

What is Smothering?

Smothering is when you continue to call her, text her, tell her how much you miss and love her every waking moment, 24/7 and 365 days a year. It’s when you see her almost every day. It’s when you get worried for her for absolutely no reason and always telling her to be okay. In general, it’s when she has too much unwanted exposure to you. It’s something guys do unintentionally and a lot of times, is the reason girls dump guys.

Think about it. Would you like to get fifty phone calls during the day? Would you honestly spend every damned minute with her? I didn’t think so and guess what? They feel that way too. What happens usually is that guys feel that in order to keep the relationship wheels turning, they need to constantly remind the girls that they care and that they love them.

Why is it so bad?

It makes logical sense right? In actuality, it turns them off considerably. It makes them want to see you less. It makes them not want to think about you at all because they’re just so overexposed to you. You know what that is? The absolute opposite of attraction. As you write her poems and shit, she wants to see and talk to you less and less and that strains your relationship, a lot of times to the point of breaking up. It’s not sweet, it’s not cute. As much as you try to justify and defend your need to tell her you love hair a hundred fucking times a day, smothering is annoying and she will HATE you for it.

Fortunately, it’s easy to avoid this pitfall.

You see, you need to change your mindset first and foremost. You need to tell yourself that:

• You don’t have to talk to her all day.
• You don’t have to see her EVERY day.
• Just because she isn’t talking to you, doesn’t mean she’s being mean.
• Keep the “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY OMG” shit down. It’s not sweet or romantic, only creepy.
• If you truly miss her every second of your life, you seriously need to make friends and find hobbies. She should NOT be the center of your life.

It happens to everybody.

This is very common for those that are getting in their first real relationships. You must realize that the more you give in to your insecurities, the more you’re pushing her away. Don’t always call or text her. Let her live her life and you should live yours. You don’t always have to hang out. I find that seeing your girl twice a week is optimal. That way, you guys don’t terribly miss each other, but are apart long enough to really look forward to your next meeting. The amount of time you guys spend together doesn’t equal how much love there is between you two.

In the event it’s too late and she wants some space, it’s best you give it to her. Let her just chill out for a while and before you know it, you guys should be back the way it was before.

One of the most infuriating things is when you call or message somebody and they either don’t respond, or that they take forever in doing so. It’s tolerable with your friends or anybody else that you call, but something in our brains press the giant red “PISSED OFF” button whenever it’s a girl that you’re interested in that does that. We start bitching and moaning and just act like little babies and jump to many conclusions. What you need to realize is that, there’s a very small chance that she’s actually doing it to piss you off or even intentionally.

She has a life

Yes, it might come as a shock to you, but your girl/prospect/object of affection has things to do in her life. Even more surprising is that she also has (gasp!) other people to talk with! Generally, she’s either hanging out with friends, on the phone already or just busy living life. Get it into your brain that her life doesn’t revolve around you and she’s allowed to miss a call or two. Usually, she’s totally unaware that this really bothers you.

Her side of the story

She will most likely call back. And if not, she probably had something to do. Maybe she was being considerate and thought you were sleeping or at work or something. Girls are quite timid and unless she’s absolutely obsessed with you (which is when you should bail), they’ll only call you when they think you may have a free time. Ever had a phone call from a girl and you told her you were busy? They get really apologetic to a point where they feel like they committed a crime. They like to avoid feeling like they’re intruding.

Don’t let it get to you

You shouldn’t hold a grudge against her for that. After all, if you were in her position and you had shit to do, a phone call wouldn’t be quite high in your list of priorities. That also means that you should at one point call her back. Not that same day, but perhaps the day after. You’re not being macho by not calling her back until she does. Instead, that just shows how much of a little bitchass you are by letting a small incident affect you. Man up and call her back later if she doesn’t get to. You don’t want your pride to potentially ruin something that might be fruitful. In the mean time, don’t sit around all day for that phone call. Do something productive.

Although sometimes…

There’s a small chance when she’s actually ignoring your calls on purpose. Sometimes she’s not that into you at all (but you should’ve figured this out already) Girls are also fucking idiots sometimes and they often get stupid ideas from their harem of friends. A couple of girls I’ve had the (dis)pleasure of knowing had a habit of testing guys by not picking up, or purposely played distant and hard-to-get to see how quickly and how many times the guy will call them back. A test of devotion.

And how would you know if you’re just being a guinea pig? Easy, she’ll tell you. After they’re done having their fun, they’ll just admit it outright that they were just messing with you and they wanted a laugh here and there. They think it’s fun and they expect you to go “Oh, hahaha you sure got me!” If your girl falls into that small minority, its best you tell her to eat a dick and promptly make your exit from her life.

Those that possess a silver tongue are Gods amongst men. Having great conversation skills is often overlooked a lot and most don’t realize the importance of it. Knowing how to talk and how to talk well can yield you many benefits, especially with women. You can be a wealthy person with great looks and nice cars, but if you don’t know how to hold up a conversation (or worse, don’t know how to communicate well at all), you’re going to be in a lot of trouble.

Be forward

When you’re talking to a girl, you have to take initiative a lot. Meaning, don’t wait around for her to choose a topic or lead the direction of the conversation. That makes you look like you lack leadership and girls consider that as a turn off. When you are talking to her, make sure you’re always talking about something. You never want to have any quiet time. Any silence that lasts for more than 2-3 seconds is considered quiet time.

Try to avoid that like the plague because it shows her that you have nothing interesting to say and you’re boring. There have been times when I had nothing to say, and me and the girl would look around awkwardly. It’s pretty much like taking a dump on any dynamic that you two may have had prior. You need to keep the flow going.

Open-ended statements allow the conversation to grow

The truth is that you can talk about the most menial of things and make a conversation out of it, but you have to approach in an open way. What this means is that you must ask her open ended questions. Open ended questions are questions that don’t have a “Yes” or “No” answer. They are something you can build off of. Best part is that you can come up with open ended questions about ANY topic. Remember, avoid questions or comments that will elicit a yes or no answer because they give you zero room to work with.

P.I.E

Now that you know what to talk about, how do you keep it up?

The contents of your conversation should be positive, interesting, and engaging. A good way to keep up a conversation is to find out something about her and then build on it. For example, you can ask her what she did over the weekend and she says she went dancing. You can then talk to her about things like what kind of dancing she likes, how she feels about dancing, how you’re also interested in dancing, etc.

The key here is that you must BUILD off of what she replies with. Listen to what she’s saying and respond in a manner that will have her bounce back with something else and so forth. Try to avoid “closing statements” such as “Cool”, and “That’s nice” because you don’t want to just end the conversation right there. There is always potential to keep any topic going. Keep it fun and positive–you want her to laugh and generally like what you two are talking about.

The DON’Ts

Beware though; there are a few strict topics that you should NOT talk about, ever. They are instant turn offs and will jeopardize anything that you’ve got going.

I will kill you if you discuss:

• Your problems, whether it’s personal, financial, health, family, etc. She isn’t here for you to vent.
• HER problems. If she brings it up, try to change the topic ASAP. You’re not her psychiatrist.
• Previous relationships. Don’t ever bring it up. Period.
• Any kinds of complaints or criticisms about anything. Nobody wants to be near a bitter critic.
• Serious things like religion, philosophy, or politics. Save it for the forums or when you’re drunk with your friends.
• How much money you make/how successful you are. It just comes off as gloating, arrogant, and cocky (the bad kind). Bragging will make you look immature if anything.

When you talk to a girl, you have to keep her listening. You want her to have fun, engaged, and generally interested in what you’re saying. She needs to think to herself, “Wow! I’m really having fun talking to him!” which will keep her hooked and coming back for more. Remember; say open ended statements which will promote responses from her which you can then use as a platform to further the conversation. When you always have something interesting to say, you’ll always have somebody interested in listening.

Relationships are wonderful, and like every good thing in the world, they get screwed up time to time. But believe it or not, men are at fault a lot of times and they bring their own demise. Worst of all, they don’t realize what they’re doing wrong. Here are the five most common mistakes I have made myself as well as noticed guys make in relationships.

They are too “there”

Boyfriends will always be there for their girlfriends. You’d think that’s the whole point of a relationship right? It’s funny because girls are fucked up and the fact that you are there for her ALL THE TIME can really damage a relationship. Just like how you wouldn’t respond to all calls and texts from a girl you’re dating, the same rule applies to couples.

You need to treat girls as you would treat your cat; you always need to dangle things in front of them but never actually give it to them. It keeps their fickle natures interested. However, once they do get it, they get bored and move on. Guys screw up a lot by always calling and texting and responding and changing around their plans for their girls all the damn time. She needs to know that you have stuff to do and she will be put on the back burner time to time.

This shows her that your time is valuable and if it is always offered, it loses meaning to them. Remember, one of the most important thing to know about girls is that they want what they can’t have. They need something to look forward to.

They are too Stagnant

Thirsty Thursdays and Movie Night Mondays were great when you first started them, but after a few months, they get old, tiresome and irritating. The same goes for inside jokes, catchphrases, what have you. Always try to make progress whether it is in mannerisms or activities or even setting.

She loved you for your spontaneity when you guys first started to date, and there is no reason that you should stop being that way. The key to a healthy relationship is trying new things (even in the bedroom) and keeping things fresh. After the first few months of the relationship (aka the Honeymoon period), guys just stop putting in effort. It’s an extremely easy thing to avoid as well, you just gotta stop being lazy. Again, KEEP IT FRESH.

They are too counseling

Remember, you’re her lover, not her therapist. Leave the counseling to her friends, unless the circumstances are so serious that your gigantic nugget (hehe) of wisdom must come to provide aid. Girls don’t believe in reason and logic so you shouldn’t try to force feed your perspective to her as it will only make her do and say crazy shit.

She also doesn’t need you for support and her being attracted to you has nothing to do with whether or not you can pick apart her brain. It’s great that you can provide firm emotional support for her, but be extremely wise about when to use your superpowers. She doesn’t need you to pick her up and put her pieces back; she has her close circle of friends for that. It isn’t your responsibility anyways.

They are afraid to initiate (break up)

If there is anybody that is guilty as charged, it’s me. I can’t tell you how many times I held back when I should have just done the deed. Breaking up is an extremely tough trigger to pull but sometimes it must be done. A lot of times guys will see warning signs and they will hope things will auto-heal, but that leads to things spiraling out of control and the girl dumping the guy.

That’s wrong for a couple of reasons. One, we are prideful creatures and if there is any kind of dumping, we should NOT be on the receiving side. Two, if things are clearly going wrong and the signs are there, sticking around is about as productive as browsing porn at work. Breaking up shows girls that you aren’t gonna take their shit, and a lot of times puts them to check.

You need to exercise your authority in the relationship as the man, and you can’t take a passive approach when you’re faced with something so important. Either way, separation helps you both to realize your feelings for each other. Sometimes, it’s a permanent end, but other times can really propel the relationship to greater heights.

They start to act like women

Sometimes, we just lose it and start to be little bitches ourselves. Guys get needy. They get insecure. They get weak. And worst of all, all these emotions are brought out in front of her. Like girls, guys will start to get worried if they don’t text back quick enough, or make enough phone calls during the day. They start to act out of character and start to lose composure.They start to bitch and vent to their girlfriends.

You must remember that whatever you feel and whatever is going on, she should not see any of it. If you have problems, go hang out with your friends. But in the eyes and ears of your girl, you gotta be as firm as a rock. She doesn’t want to hear about how much your life sucks.

What are some other pitfalls that you have run into in your relationships?

Generally, girls like to be acknowledged. They like it a lot when you approach them to talk to them. There are the obvious warning signs as to when you should avoid them or not even bother, but regardless, they want to be talked to. Maybe you aspire to just lose inhibition or be a player. All those abilities will come in time, however, the first step in whatever you want to do—whether you want to become more social or improve your game and collect numbers— you need to start talking to girls, anywhere and everywhere.

It’s Simple

It’s just as simple as saying “Hi” to them. There is no need to start up a conversation, no pick up lines, no planned encounters. You see a girl, you just say “Hi” to them. That’s it. You’ll be surprised how much this works. For one, it really helps you lose that inhibition. You can ponder for hours thinking about the perfect plan and opener but in reality, just being yourself works better than anything.

When you just say “Hi” to a girl without any event leading up to it, they will be taken back. Being the prideful bitches they are they will think that you must have some large fucking balls to even do something like that. You’ll be on her mind for a while, if not all day. Mission Accomplished.

Don’t be reckless

Despite all that, there are some things you should follow. For one, only do something if they’re looking at your direction. You don’t want to come from behind and spook her out, and possibly get yelled at scratched. Also, if they’re on their iPod or just preoccupied, it’s also advisable to just stay the fuck away. Remember, the point is you overcoming your uneasiness.

If your initial approach leads to a conversation, that’s even better, but that isn’t your primary goal. I suggest you should only do the hello thing as you’re passing her or in a situation where you won’t have to be next to her for too long. Trust me, saying “Hi” to somebody and then just sticking around them in silence makes things extremely awkward and she’ll think you’re a creeper or weirdo.

Good times to say “Hi”

• You’re passing a girl in the mall and she looks your way as she’s walking closer
• You’re jogging and she happens to run towards your direction
• You’re shopping and a girl is nearby

Terrible times to say “Hi”

• She’s busy with something
• She’s with a friend or a group of people
• She’s not looking towards your general direction

As you keep it up, you’ll realize how easy it is to approach girls in general. Build up your confidence, and learn how to keep up the conversation, you’ll realize how easy it is to strike up a lengthy conversation. Before you know it, you’ll wonder why the fuck you were having problems in the first place.

Go out there and do some field work, soldiers!