You’re in a relationship. You guys love each other, talk often, and everything just seems to go perfect. One day, out of the blue, she tells you four words you never expected to hear: “I need some space.” You’re like, “…What?” You wonder what the hell is going on. Why did all of this happen out of nowhere? What possible mistake could you have made? Guess what buddy? You were smothering her and you didn’t even know it.

What is Smothering?

Smothering is when you continue to call her, text her, tell her how much you miss and love her every waking moment, 24/7 and 365 days a year. It’s when you see her almost every day. It’s when you get worried for her for absolutely no reason and always telling her to be okay. In general, it’s when she has too much unwanted exposure to you. It’s something guys do unintentionally and a lot of times, is the reason girls dump guys.

Think about it. Would you like to get fifty phone calls during the day? Would you honestly spend every damned minute with her? I didn’t think so and guess what? They feel that way too. What happens usually is that guys feel that in order to keep the relationship wheels turning, they need to constantly remind the girls that they care and that they love them.

Why is it so bad?

It makes logical sense right? In actuality, it turns them off considerably. It makes them want to see you less. It makes them not want to think about you at all because they’re just so overexposed to you. You know what that is? The absolute opposite of attraction. As you write her poems and shit, she wants to see and talk to you less and less and that strains your relationship, a lot of times to the point of breaking up. It’s not sweet, it’s not cute. As much as you try to justify and defend your need to tell her you love hair a hundred fucking times a day, smothering is annoying and she will HATE you for it.

Fortunately, it’s easy to avoid this pitfall.

You see, you need to change your mindset first and foremost. You need to tell yourself that:

• You don’t have to talk to her all day.
• You don’t have to see her EVERY day.
• Just because she isn’t talking to you, doesn’t mean she’s being mean.
• Keep the “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY OMG” shit down. It’s not sweet or romantic, only creepy.
• If you truly miss her every second of your life, you seriously need to make friends and find hobbies. She should NOT be the center of your life.

It happens to everybody.

This is very common for those that are getting in their first real relationships. You must realize that the more you give in to your insecurities, the more you’re pushing her away. Don’t always call or text her. Let her live her life and you should live yours. You don’t always have to hang out. I find that seeing your girl twice a week is optimal. That way, you guys don’t terribly miss each other, but are apart long enough to really look forward to your next meeting. The amount of time you guys spend together doesn’t equal how much love there is between you two.

In the event it’s too late and she wants some space, it’s best you give it to her. Let her just chill out for a while and before you know it, you guys should be back the way it was before.

One of the most infuriating things is when you call or message somebody and they either don’t respond, or that they take forever in doing so. It’s tolerable with your friends or anybody else that you call, but something in our brains press the giant red “PISSED OFF” button whenever it’s a girl that you’re interested in that does that. We start bitching and moaning and just act like little babies and jump to many conclusions. What you need to realize is that, there’s a very small chance that she’s actually doing it to piss you off or even intentionally.

She has a life

Yes, it might come as a shock to you, but your girl/prospect/object of affection has things to do in her life. Even more surprising is that she also has (gasp!) other people to talk with! Generally, she’s either hanging out with friends, on the phone already or just busy living life. Get it into your brain that her life doesn’t revolve around you and she’s allowed to miss a call or two. Usually, she’s totally unaware that this really bothers you.

Her side of the story

She will most likely call back. And if not, she probably had something to do. Maybe she was being considerate and thought you were sleeping or at work or something. Girls are quite timid and unless she’s absolutely obsessed with you (which is when you should bail), they’ll only call you when they think you may have a free time. Ever had a phone call from a girl and you told her you were busy? They get really apologetic to a point where they feel like they committed a crime. They like to avoid feeling like they’re intruding.

Don’t let it get to you

You shouldn’t hold a grudge against her for that. After all, if you were in her position and you had shit to do, a phone call wouldn’t be quite high in your list of priorities. That also means that you should at one point call her back. Not that same day, but perhaps the day after. You’re not being macho by not calling her back until she does. Instead, that just shows how much of a little bitchass you are by letting a small incident affect you. Man up and call her back later if she doesn’t get to. You don’t want your pride to potentially ruin something that might be fruitful. In the mean time, don’t sit around all day for that phone call. Do something productive.

Although sometimes…

There’s a small chance when she’s actually ignoring your calls on purpose. Sometimes she’s not that into you at all (but you should’ve figured this out already) Girls are also fucking idiots sometimes and they often get stupid ideas from their harem of friends. A couple of girls I’ve had the (dis)pleasure of knowing had a habit of testing guys by not picking up, or purposely played distant and hard-to-get to see how quickly and how many times the guy will call them back. A test of devotion.

And how would you know if you’re just being a guinea pig? Easy, she’ll tell you. After they’re done having their fun, they’ll just admit it outright that they were just messing with you and they wanted a laugh here and there. They think it’s fun and they expect you to go “Oh, hahaha you sure got me!” If your girl falls into that small minority, its best you tell her to eat a dick and promptly make your exit from her life.