Jul 22, 2009
This is an accurate representation of how she feels.
You’re in a relationship. You guys love each other, talk often, and everything just seems to go perfect. One day, out of the blue, she tells you four words you never expected to hear: “I need some space.” You’re like, “…What?” You wonder what the hell is going on. Why did all of this happen out of nowhere? What possible mistake could you have made? Guess what buddy? You were smothering her and you didn’t even know it.
What is Smothering?
Smothering is when you continue to call her, text her, tell her how much you miss and love her every waking moment, 24/7 and 365 days a year. It’s when you see her almost every day. It’s when you get worried for her for absolutely no reason and always telling her to be okay. In general, it’s when she has too much unwanted exposure to you. It’s something guys do unintentionally and a lot of times, is the reason girls dump guys.
Think about it. Would you like to get fifty phone calls during the day? Would you honestly spend every damned minute with her? I didn’t think so and guess what? They feel that way too. What happens usually is that guys feel that in order to keep the relationship wheels turning, they need to constantly remind the girls that they care and that they love them.
Why is it so bad?
It makes logical sense right? In actuality, it turns them off considerably. It makes them want to see you less. It makes them not want to think about you at all because they’re just so overexposed to you. You know what that is? The absolute opposite of attraction. As you write her poems and shit, she wants to see and talk to you less and less and that strains your relationship, a lot of times to the point of breaking up. It’s not sweet, it’s not cute. As much as you try to justify and defend your need to tell her you love hair a hundred fucking times a day, smothering is annoying and she will HATE you for it.
Fortunately, it’s easy to avoid this pitfall.
You see, you need to change your mindset first and foremost. You need to tell yourself that:
- You don’t have to talk to her all day.
- You don’t have to see her EVERY day.
- Just because she isn’t talking to you, doesn’t mean she’s being mean.
- Keep the “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY OMG” shit down. It’s not sweet or romantic, only creepy.
- If you truly miss her every second of your life, you seriously need to make friends and find hobbies. She should NOT be the center of your life.
It happens to everybody.
This is very common for those that are getting in their first real relationships. You must realize that the more you give in to your insecurities, the more you’re pushing her away. Don’t always call or text her. Let her live her life and you should live yours. You don’t always have to hang out. I find that seeing your girl twice a week is optimal. That way, you guys don’t terribly miss each other, but are apart long enough to really look forward to your next meeting. The amount of time you guys spend together doesn’t equal how much love there is between you two.
In the event it’s too late and she wants some space, it’s best you give it to her. Let her just chill out for a while and before you know it, you guys should be back the way it was before.Also see: 5 Relationship Mistakes Men Commonly Make