Jul 21, 2009
What Is Considered Cheating?
This is one thing we all fear the most. Nothing hurts our hearts (and our pride) when girls cheat on us. It’s fucked up, and it’s totally unnecessary. We aren’t always in the receiving end though as guys cheat as well. Regardless of who does it, it’s still a really fucked up thing to do. We might not agree on whether or not it’s okay to cheat, but one thing that we can agree on is that it’s meaning is different for everyone. What exactly is cheating?
Cheating is..
Cheating, to me, constitutes action. If I’m with a girl, and she thought about some other guy, I’d hate it and break up with her because she just isn’t into me. However, if she acted on her thoughts, then it’s time to add that whore to the wall of shame.
Not just thinking..
What do I mean by “acting” on it? Action. If she touched another guy sexually or held his hands intimately, it’s cheating. Does it sound extreme? Yes. Most people draw the line at kissing, but think about it: if your girl is caressing another dude’s chest, or has her fingers on his lips, or even grabs his junk, would you be okay with that? They sure as hell weren’t kissing, but they sure as hell aren’t regular friends either. I’m sure you would flip a couple of shits.
That goes for dudes as well. There isn’t a double standard. You do the same thing above (sucks for you if your girl has a junk) and I’ll take you to court and testify against you. You’re definitely cheating, bro.
What’s NOT cheating..
Having said all that, I don’t believe thinking about somebody else or finding someone else attractive is cheating. Bricks are shat when girls find out that you find their friend cute or when you check out other girls. Guys get upset just like that as well. Imagine your girl was talking to the hunky personal trainer at the gym and she was telling him about you; you’d probably want her to just shut up about him.
Bottom line is that there’s a lot of things girls (or even guys) don’t like to hear, but that doesn’t mean anything was going on. It’s also a sign of insecurity on both sides, something that should really be worked on. Like I said, I believe cheating starts at action, regardless of how small. We all think of stupid ideas or have certain fantasies here and there, but as long as you (or they) don’t really act on it, then it’s fair game. Yeah, it sucks but deal with it.
Don’t do it. Ever.
Don’t cheat because you don’t want to be cheated on. It hurts like a bitch, and it only brings pain and suffering. Real men don’t cheat. That only shows that you’re too pussy to either make a commitment or weren’t man enough to break up with her when you should have. Have you gotten cheated on? Fuck her, she’ll get what’s coming. Worry about making yourself a better person. Eye for an eye doesn’t solve anything nor does it make anybody happy.
I havent read a good blog post for ages … thx for that
I get you, but I’m inclined to say if everyone had the same definition of cheating, 90% of couples would be cheating (depending on age of course).
I have a girlfriend whom I love, that doesn’t stop me from having other girls sit on my lap, hugging them intimately, holding their hands and so on.
I guess one factor you forgot to take into account is how open-minded you are in the relationship, how committed you are, and how much you’re into each other.
You break up in a relationship when the actions of one person impede on your values or beliefs. The definition of cheating depends on these.
Yep, I acknowledge that people feel differently about cheating (I mention that actually) however I think I have a good rubric for judgment.
I never said that touching constitutes cheating. If that was true, then probably 95% of couples would be guilty. However, I think there’s a fine line that you shouldn’t cross with touching.
I have plenty of chick friends of my own, and while I do touch them, it’s never the same way I would touch my girl. Hands touching is different than holding someone’s hand.
It has nothing to do with insecurity or being open minded or committed. Regardless of where you are in a relationship with a girl, are you okay seeing your girl sit on some other guy’s lap?
I’m a little bit old fashioned in some sense and my tolerance is relatively low. I shouldn’t have to deal with my girl acting like a whore with another guy regardless of how much she “loves” me. You can touch other people perfectly fine without it looking sketchy.
Dancing, though, is a messy territory though so I won’t even touch that one, haha.
@Bruno: Glad you like the post, man!
Touching in a sexual/sensual way… Like some hugs or kisses are sexual or sensual. I don’t really mind my girlfriend sitting on some other guy’s lap – I have other girls sit on mine, holding their waists and kissing their cheeks or even neck.
But if my girlfriend cheats on me – if she ever kisses another guy, if she does cross that line (everyone has a different one), I have zero tolerance – I will dump her hard, and never look back. I do agree with you on this: cheating indicates low interest in you. She cheats, and it’s time to leave.
I think everyone has sexual impulsions. Everyone experiences physical attraction. You can repress it, but only to some extent, no matter how in love you are. I love my girlfriend madly, but I’m a very sexual/physical guy. I could have cheated on her with at least five different girls in the last three months, but I didn’t.
Love is choosing your partner over sexual impulsions, and not the absence of those impulsions. So it IS a question of commitment, tolerance, and insecurity. I’m fine with my girl sitting on another guy’s lap – that doesn’t mean she’s a whore or that she’s warming him up. As long as she doesn’t make out or go on a one-on-one date, I’m good.
You’re not old-fashioned, everyone has a different opinion, and no one has the right to judge that. The important thing is having values and sticking to them no matter how in love you are. Don’t change yourself to please or keep a girl.
I guess you have a far higher threshold than me. That’s understandable. I do agree with you all the way about values though.
What do you mean “one-to-one” date? What do you consider a date, actually? I don’t mind when she hangs out with just one of her guy friends or something. But at what point does it become a date instead of a hang out?
It becomes a date when I consider the guy as a potential “threat”. I know most guys she hangs out with don’t stand a CHANCE or are nice guys and have been rejected, big time.
But there are a few guys which I keep a close eye on (like her exes, good-looking and confident guys, etc… I watch the alpha males)
If she ever fools around with one of the guys in the “threat” category, that pisses me off, a lot. The good news is she doesn’t, or extremely rarely. She isn’t very physical and touchy like I am so she rarely, if ever touches any guys apart from me.
Still, I get pissed off even when she just talks to guys in the “threat” category, but it’s important to keep cool and give her twice as much space as she needs. Then she bitches about you not giving a fuck, which shows that she cares, and that’s always nice
So yeah, I consider a hang-out a date based on who she’s hanging out with. Works like a charm.
Ah, the good ol’ bait and switch. Glad it still works
Found your site on ProBlogger.com comments. Couldn’t agree more. There’s a big difference between liking someone (we’re human) and trying to act on a desire.
You aren’t cheating on a diet just because you want to eat a couple of burgers.
I subscribed.
Interesting comparison, quite fitting as well. Thanks man, glad to have you here!
As a woman I find your website extremely interesting and insightful. A lot of your advice you give to men I agree with. However, I wanted to know if you would start blogging for the women who want advice on men. I think that would be successful given your knowledge on what women are looking for in a man.