Compromise is balance. Compromise is tending to each others needs. Many couples have problems because one either refuses to compromise with the other or give up too much and end up upset and unsatisfied. The key to a lasting relationship is balance and to achieve balance, c0mpromise must be made between couples.

What is compromise?

com⋅pro⋅mise [kom-pruh-mahyz], noun, verb:
a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands

In English, it means when two people stop being little shits and reach a middle ground for the overall benefit for both. It doesn’t have to be a literal object all the time, but can also pertain to pretty much everything such as certain habits, hobbies, or other lifestyle choices. A compromise is usually made when one party brings up an issue with another one and if deemed reasonable, they both agree to adjust things. Sometimes, a compromise can be a sacrifice. Other times, however, it can be something that should have been changed in the first place.

Why is it necessary?

Compromising is the difference between a healthy, stable relationship and one that ends relatively quickly. Relationships require effort and tender care from both involved and as such, requires that both parties are satisfied for things to go smoothly. Many pointless fights happen because of stupid things like conflicting TV show schedules or what to have for dinner that become seeds for bigger conflicts in the future.

Simply put, everybody wants to have a peaceful relationship that’s as conflict free as possible. In order for that to happen, both of you have to be relatively happy and satisfied.

Thinking objectively

Men tend to be very hubristic creatures. I admit it, I always think that I’m Mr. Right. And even though I’m right most of the time, there are times when I’m really wrong.

Compromise teaches you to look at things objectively. We don’t realize it, but we can be very biased about things. We don’t give things a chance, or have our minds firm about something simply because “I know I’m right.” How many times have you felt that way about something? How many times have you been wrong?

One time, my girl and I went to see a movie. There was a movie she wanted to see badly but I wouldn’t watch it unless you dragged my dead body to the showing. I already made up my mind about it sucking and had another one in mind. My psychic powers with zero scientific basis told me it was supposed to suck. Nevertheless, I grit my teeth and went in anyways in order to avoid her bitching all night.

Ironically, I really enjoyed it and was kind of glad that I saw this movie instead of the other one.

Learn to give things up

You need to give to get. It’s the law this universe has been run by since the dawn of time and it’s worked out well so far. If you expect anything from your girl, you need to be ready to make some sacrifices.

Sometimes, they can be tough to do. Maybe you have a lifestyle choice that absolutely must be changed. You may feel that it’s fine for you but isn’t suitable for the relationship. Things like curbing your smoking/drinking habits, becoming more neat & tidy and such can be extremely tough for those who are well used to that kind of lifestyle.

Other times, they aren’t even serious. Is cleaning the dishes some days really that much to ask? Is something so simple worth getting into a fight over?

Some of things, however, must be changed not for the relationship, but for you as a person. As I mentioned, if you have serious alcohol related problems, not only will it strain your relationship but it’ll take you down to a spiral of suck. She shouldn’t even have to ask you to change such life threatening things.

..But have some self-respect. Don’t give up everything.

A line has to be drawn somewhere. Just because you’re listening to some of her demands doesn’t mean you must bow down to all of them. Don’t be a pushover. If you feel strongly about something, talk it out with her. Just as you shouldn’t dictate her life and her choices, she has no right to do the same to you.

I know for sure there are some things I will never give up no matter what’s at stake. At times, things just become a core part of you and make up your overall personality.

Balance

Remember, compromise is a balance. The scale should never sway one way but sit comfortably in the middle. One sided relationships arise from a person giving up too much for another person which usually turn out horribly. You must tend to your partners needs but in turn she has to return it as well. Don’t think of it as something reserved for big decisions but something you must deal with on a minute basis.You don’t realize it but compromise is being met daily between you and your partner.

Arguments happen all the fucking time, and they’re inevitable. And a lot of times, they can escalate to ridiculous heights and whole fights break out. And while it’s okay to argue sometimes, what tends to happen is one would initiate personal attacks on the other and things spiral way out of control. This is especially true with couples and often damages their stability. Having complaints about the other is normal, but criticisms hurt and should be controlled if not outright forbidden.

What’s the difference?

Generally, a complaint is a statement of dissatisfaction. For example, your girl laughs in a way that really annoys you, and you let her know that it does. Simple as that.  A criticism, on the other hand, is a full on personal attack, usually done with ill intent. Unfortunately, we lose control and we tend to accidentally criticize our others when all we want to do just vent our frustrations to them, and that leads to a lot of trouble.

Compare these two:

“You know the smell of curry chicken is really strong and it makes my clothes smell funny. You should make sure there’s proper ventilation when you’re cooking.”

VS.

“You know how much I hate the smell of curry chicken. Why can’t you ever properly ventilate when you’re cooking? I hate repeating myself. Why do you always have to be so careless and forgetful?

They both have the same idea, but which of these do you think is more hurtful? In general, a complaint turns to criticism when you start insulting and attacking them personally.

Why is criticizing so bad?

Criticisms are awful because in no instance should you insult somebody unless they really and truly deserve it (which most of the time is unlikely). When it comes to relationships, you must be very careful about what you say to your partner. A lot of girls are easily discouraged and don’t have as much thick skin and thus aren’t so susceptible to even the smallest of criticisms.

Criticisms KILL their self-esteem. It crushes them into little pieces and make them feel worthless and inadequate. Why the fuck would you wanna make a girl cry? She isn’t with you to hear you bitch about how she sucks at life. You’re supposed to make her happy.

By always telling her that she can’t do anything right, she will really start to believe you. This will affect not only your relationship but her life in general, and I fucking GUARANTEE a break-up will be on the horizon.

The criticisms go both ways. Do you ever want your girl to tell you you’re worthless or you can’t do anything right? Do you want them to associate you with every bad thing that happens?

How can you get around it?

Is there a way to vent your frustrations and making your point without making her feel like shit? Absolutely. There’s nothing that can’t be solved without civil conversations. Sit her down, let her know what’s bugging you. Even if you’re fuming, control yourself. Men shouldn’t lose control over their emotions–that’s a sign of weakness.

Talk to her, and let her know what’s going on. She can’t fix whatever she’s doing wrong if she doesn’t know that it even bothers you. Insulting and berating her won’t speed up the process either. Usually, girls will realize and acknowledge the fault when you bring it up and they will work to fixing it on their own.

Remember, she wants to keep you happy as well.

Arguments are necessary

As annoying as they are, arguments are necessary to have a long and lasting relationship. If you aren’t having arguments in your relationship, chances are you both are bottling things in which is EXTREMELY unhealthy. Couples have a hard time saying what they really feel, which ends up on huge scale feuds and hurt feelings.

Arguments also allow you guys to figure out what’s bugging you both and how you can reach a compromise. That being said, if you’re arguing too often, then you guys need to sort yourselves out and ask if you two should really be together.

Whenever you’re annoyed with somebody, it’s okay to express your feelings. However, that can be done civilly. Complaints will happen, but don’t ever tread into criticism territory. It’s hurtful and 90% of the time completely unwarranted. Talk things out with her and you’re likely to have better results than when you’re beating her self-esteem senseless.

I’m extremely picky when it comes to girls and I used to be what you would call a serial dater. There are certain qualities I expect from women and if she can’t impress me in the first few dates, I lose interest rather fast. You can find out a lot about a girl on just the first date. Sadly, there are plenty of guys that jump into a relationship without ever dating, and for the most part, those relationships fall apart rather quickly. Dating is extremely important and it shouldn’t be overlooked.

I had a friend who jumped into a relationship based only on the fact that the girl had a crush on him. That’s all it took. No quality time together, no dating, nothing. Over time, he began to realize that he had absolutely nothing in common with the girl at all and realized he got himself into a huge mess. He ended up breaking up with her. Had he bothered to try and gotten to know her better, he wouldn’t have wasted his time and instead, they could just have been friends. In this situation, they both lose.

Dating Rocks.

Dating around is awesome for various reasons. One, it allows you to meet tons of new people relatively quickly. A lot of the girls I’ve dated turned out to be interesting characters and even though I didn’t get with them, they make for excellent table talk. Two, there’s the huge benefit about zero commitment. You’re seeing multiple girls at once, possibly going far with a few of them without any commitment or fear of settling down. You’re progressing and you still got your options open. What’s there to lose?

Most importantly, however, dating so many girls allowed me to figure out what I want in a girl and most importantly what I don’t. Everybody thinks they have an idea of what their ideal girl is and what they want in them, but experience has taught me that:

• You rarely, if ever, know what you want.
• Your “dream girl” will constantly evolve.

More than one type.

I always thought that I had a “type” of girl that I’d fall in love with and so I kept on asking out those kinds of girls. But over time, I realized that my tastes constantly changed and there are so many things that I hated about my “type” of girl. The reality is that the girls you’ll really fall for overlaps a bunch of these “types”. Settling for one niche of girls is really just selling yourself short.

Dating made me realize that I hate certain attributes of girls that I previously thought I would love. Inversely, I started to like a lot of things about them that I would otherwise have not give a shit about.

Ultimately, it made me open minded and I was able to rid myself of my “type”.

Noticing trends.

You also start to notice many repeating trends amongst all girls. Every dating expert will tell you to treat girls, regardless of how good they look, as just that: girls. Every girl will think that they’re an unique snowflake with unique problems and unique thought processes, but really they’re the goddamned same. They’re just packaged differently.

Having this knowledge, you’ll have an easier time dealing with them. You won’t lose your composure and you’ll be less likely to do or say stupid things. The more girls you date, the more you become comfortable with them.

Bitter critics.

The main criticism I hear about dating is the same as for fashion—it costs money. If you want to be fancy, then sure it costs a lot, especially if you’re seeing a bunch of girls at once. However, I’ve been on dates that cost me no more than $10 bucks and some I didn’t pay for anything.

A date doesn’t have to be dinner and movie. It could be spending a night at the beach or a nice day out in the park. Come up with creative ideas for dates and not only will you save a ton of money, you’ll come off completely fresh and instantly have an edge.

Dating is essential.

Dating lets you keep your options open while you weed out the potentials from the duds. After all, it is a method of selection. You want the best possible deal and the only way you’ll find that is by testing waters. You’ll learn to love new things, hate other things, and ultimately become a lot more open-minded.

Good luck out there!

You’re in a relationship. You guys love each other, talk often, and everything just seems to go perfect. One day, out of the blue, she tells you four words you never expected to hear: “I need some space.” You’re like, “…What?” You wonder what the hell is going on. Why did all of this happen out of nowhere? What possible mistake could you have made? Guess what buddy? You were smothering her and you didn’t even know it.

What is Smothering?

Smothering is when you continue to call her, text her, tell her how much you miss and love her every waking moment, 24/7 and 365 days a year. It’s when you see her almost every day. It’s when you get worried for her for absolutely no reason and always telling her to be okay. In general, it’s when she has too much unwanted exposure to you. It’s something guys do unintentionally and a lot of times, is the reason girls dump guys.

Think about it. Would you like to get fifty phone calls during the day? Would you honestly spend every damned minute with her? I didn’t think so and guess what? They feel that way too. What happens usually is that guys feel that in order to keep the relationship wheels turning, they need to constantly remind the girls that they care and that they love them.

Why is it so bad?

It makes logical sense right? In actuality, it turns them off considerably. It makes them want to see you less. It makes them not want to think about you at all because they’re just so overexposed to you. You know what that is? The absolute opposite of attraction. As you write her poems and shit, she wants to see and talk to you less and less and that strains your relationship, a lot of times to the point of breaking up. It’s not sweet, it’s not cute. As much as you try to justify and defend your need to tell her you love hair a hundred fucking times a day, smothering is annoying and she will HATE you for it.

Fortunately, it’s easy to avoid this pitfall.

You see, you need to change your mindset first and foremost. You need to tell yourself that:

• You don’t have to talk to her all day.
• You don’t have to see her EVERY day.
• Just because she isn’t talking to you, doesn’t mean she’s being mean.
• Keep the “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY OMG” shit down. It’s not sweet or romantic, only creepy.
• If you truly miss her every second of your life, you seriously need to make friends and find hobbies. She should NOT be the center of your life.

It happens to everybody.

This is very common for those that are getting in their first real relationships. You must realize that the more you give in to your insecurities, the more you’re pushing her away. Don’t always call or text her. Let her live her life and you should live yours. You don’t always have to hang out. I find that seeing your girl twice a week is optimal. That way, you guys don’t terribly miss each other, but are apart long enough to really look forward to your next meeting. The amount of time you guys spend together doesn’t equal how much love there is between you two.

In the event it’s too late and she wants some space, it’s best you give it to her. Let her just chill out for a while and before you know it, you guys should be back the way it was before.

This is one thing we all fear the most. Nothing hurts our hearts (and our pride) when girls cheat on us. It’s fucked up, and it’s totally unnecessary. We aren’t always in the receiving end though as guys cheat as well. Regardless of who does it, it’s still a really fucked up thing to do. We might not agree on whether or not it’s okay to cheat, but one thing that we can agree on is that it’s meaning is different for everyone. What exactly is cheating?

Cheating is..

Cheating, to me, constitutes action. If I’m with a girl, and she thought about some other guy, I’d hate it and break up with her because she just isn’t into me. However, if she acted on her thoughts, then it’s time to add that whore to the wall of shame.

Not just thinking..

What do I mean by “acting” on it? Action. If she touched another guy sexually or held his hands intimately, it’s cheating. Does it sound extreme? Yes. Most people draw the line at kissing, but think about it: if your girl is caressing another dude’s chest, or has her fingers on his lips, or even grabs his junk, would you be okay with that? They sure as hell weren’t kissing, but they sure as hell aren’t regular friends either. I’m sure you would flip a couple of shits.

That goes for dudes as well. There isn’t a double standard. You do the same thing above (sucks for you if your girl has a junk) and I’ll take you to court and testify against you. You’re definitely cheating, bro.

What’s NOT cheating..

Having said all that, I don’t believe thinking about somebody else or finding someone else attractive is cheating. Bricks are shat when girls find out that you find their friend cute or when you check out other girls. Guys get upset just like that as well. Imagine your girl was talking to the hunky personal trainer at the gym and she was telling him about you; you’d probably want her to just shut up about him.

Bottom line is that there’s a lot of things girls (or even guys) don’t like to hear, but that doesn’t mean anything was going on. It’s also a sign of insecurity on both sides, something that should really be worked on. Like I said, I believe cheating starts at action, regardless of how small. We all think of stupid ideas or have certain fantasies here and there, but as long as you (or they) don’t really act on it, then it’s fair game. Yeah, it sucks but deal with it.

Don’t do it. Ever.

Don’t cheat because you don’t want to be cheated on. It hurts like a bitch, and it only brings pain and suffering. Real men don’t cheat. That only shows that you’re too pussy to either make a commitment or weren’t man enough to break up with her when you should have. Have you gotten cheated on? Fuck her, she’ll get what’s coming. Worry about making yourself a better person. Eye for an eye doesn’t solve anything nor does it make anybody happy.

What do you consider cheating?

Relationships are wonderful, and like every good thing in the world, they get screwed up time to time. But believe it or not, men are at fault a lot of times and they bring their own demise. Worst of all, they don’t realize what they’re doing wrong. Here are the five most common mistakes I have made myself as well as noticed guys make in relationships.

They are too “there”

Boyfriends will always be there for their girlfriends. You’d think that’s the whole point of a relationship right? It’s funny because girls are fucked up and the fact that you are there for her ALL THE TIME can really damage a relationship. Just like how you wouldn’t respond to all calls and texts from a girl you’re dating, the same rule applies to couples.

You need to treat girls as you would treat your cat; you always need to dangle things in front of them but never actually give it to them. It keeps their fickle natures interested. However, once they do get it, they get bored and move on. Guys screw up a lot by always calling and texting and responding and changing around their plans for their girls all the damn time. She needs to know that you have stuff to do and she will be put on the back burner time to time.

This shows her that your time is valuable and if it is always offered, it loses meaning to them. Remember, one of the most important thing to know about girls is that they want what they can’t have. They need something to look forward to.

They are too Stagnant

Thirsty Thursdays and Movie Night Mondays were great when you first started them, but after a few months, they get old, tiresome and irritating. The same goes for inside jokes, catchphrases, what have you. Always try to make progress whether it is in mannerisms or activities or even setting.

She loved you for your spontaneity when you guys first started to date, and there is no reason that you should stop being that way. The key to a healthy relationship is trying new things (even in the bedroom) and keeping things fresh. After the first few months of the relationship (aka the Honeymoon period), guys just stop putting in effort. It’s an extremely easy thing to avoid as well, you just gotta stop being lazy. Again, KEEP IT FRESH.

They are too counseling

Remember, you’re her lover, not her therapist. Leave the counseling to her friends, unless the circumstances are so serious that your gigantic nugget (hehe) of wisdom must come to provide aid. Girls don’t believe in reason and logic so you shouldn’t try to force feed your perspective to her as it will only make her do and say crazy shit.

She also doesn’t need you for support and her being attracted to you has nothing to do with whether or not you can pick apart her brain. It’s great that you can provide firm emotional support for her, but be extremely wise about when to use your superpowers. She doesn’t need you to pick her up and put her pieces back; she has her close circle of friends for that. It isn’t your responsibility anyways.

They are afraid to initiate (break up)

If there is anybody that is guilty as charged, it’s me. I can’t tell you how many times I held back when I should have just done the deed. Breaking up is an extremely tough trigger to pull but sometimes it must be done. A lot of times guys will see warning signs and they will hope things will auto-heal, but that leads to things spiraling out of control and the girl dumping the guy.

That’s wrong for a couple of reasons. One, we are prideful creatures and if there is any kind of dumping, we should NOT be on the receiving side. Two, if things are clearly going wrong and the signs are there, sticking around is about as productive as browsing porn at work. Breaking up shows girls that you aren’t gonna take their shit, and a lot of times puts them to check.

You need to exercise your authority in the relationship as the man, and you can’t take a passive approach when you’re faced with something so important. Either way, separation helps you both to realize your feelings for each other. Sometimes, it’s a permanent end, but other times can really propel the relationship to greater heights.

They start to act like women

Sometimes, we just lose it and start to be little bitches ourselves. Guys get needy. They get insecure. They get weak. And worst of all, all these emotions are brought out in front of her. Like girls, guys will start to get worried if they don’t text back quick enough, or make enough phone calls during the day. They start to act out of character and start to lose composure.They start to bitch and vent to their girlfriends.

You must remember that whatever you feel and whatever is going on, she should not see any of it. If you have problems, go hang out with your friends. But in the eyes and ears of your girl, you gotta be as firm as a rock. She doesn’t want to hear about how much your life sucks.

What are some other pitfalls that you have run into in your relationships?