Arguments happen all the fucking time, and they’re inevitable. And a lot of times, they can escalate to ridiculous heights and whole fights break out. And while it’s okay to argue sometimes, what tends to happen is one would initiate personal attacks on the other and things spiral way out of control. This is especially true with couples and often damages their stability. Having complaints about the other is normal, but criticisms hurt and should be controlled if not outright forbidden.

What’s the difference?

Generally, a complaint is a statement of dissatisfaction. For example, your girl laughs in a way that really annoys you, and you let her know that it does. Simple as that.  A criticism, on the other hand, is a full on personal attack, usually done with ill intent. Unfortunately, we lose control and we tend to accidentally criticize our others when all we want to do just vent our frustrations to them, and that leads to a lot of trouble.

Compare these two:

“You know the smell of curry chicken is really strong and it makes my clothes smell funny. You should make sure there’s proper ventilation when you’re cooking.”

VS.

“You know how much I hate the smell of curry chicken. Why can’t you ever properly ventilate when you’re cooking? I hate repeating myself. Why do you always have to be so careless and forgetful?

They both have the same idea, but which of these do you think is more hurtful? In general, a complaint turns to criticism when you start insulting and attacking them personally.

Why is criticizing so bad?

Criticisms are awful because in no instance should you insult somebody unless they really and truly deserve it (which most of the time is unlikely). When it comes to relationships, you must be very careful about what you say to your partner. A lot of girls are easily discouraged and don’t have as much thick skin and thus aren’t so susceptible to even the smallest of criticisms.

Criticisms KILL their self-esteem. It crushes them into little pieces and make them feel worthless and inadequate. Why the fuck would you wanna make a girl cry? She isn’t with you to hear you bitch about how she sucks at life. You’re supposed to make her happy.

By always telling her that she can’t do anything right, she will really start to believe you. This will affect not only your relationship but her life in general, and I fucking GUARANTEE a break-up will be on the horizon.

The criticisms go both ways. Do you ever want your girl to tell you you’re worthless or you can’t do anything right? Do you want them to associate you with every bad thing that happens?

How can you get around it?

Is there a way to vent your frustrations and making your point without making her feel like shit? Absolutely. There’s nothing that can’t be solved without civil conversations. Sit her down, let her know what’s bugging you. Even if you’re fuming, control yourself. Men shouldn’t lose control over their emotions–that’s a sign of weakness.

Talk to her, and let her know what’s going on. She can’t fix whatever she’s doing wrong if she doesn’t know that it even bothers you. Insulting and berating her won’t speed up the process either. Usually, girls will realize and acknowledge the fault when you bring it up and they will work to fixing it on their own.

Remember, she wants to keep you happy as well.

Arguments are necessary

As annoying as they are, arguments are necessary to have a long and lasting relationship. If you aren’t having arguments in your relationship, chances are you both are bottling things in which is EXTREMELY unhealthy. Couples have a hard time saying what they really feel, which ends up on huge scale feuds and hurt feelings.

Arguments also allow you guys to figure out what’s bugging you both and how you can reach a compromise. That being said, if you’re arguing too often, then you guys need to sort yourselves out and ask if you two should really be together.

Whenever you’re annoyed with somebody, it’s okay to express your feelings. However, that can be done civilly. Complaints will happen, but don’t ever tread into criticism territory. It’s hurtful and 90% of the time completely unwarranted. Talk things out with her and you’re likely to have better results than when you’re beating her self-esteem senseless.

A friend of mine wrote an excellent post on how to be flirting master and he mentioned utilizing “obvious lies”, which really caught my eye. Girls love exaggerations—this is a fact. When done well and not ridiculously, your girl won’t stop having fun.

I exaggerate all the time–more than I should sometimes. Exaggerations are cool because it allows you to break out of reality for a little bit. They’re (usually) funny and girls LOVE to laugh hysterically. It also shows that you like to have fun and aren’t always stern and serious as a lot of guys these days. The best part is that they’re obviously lies and she understands that as well which opens up a ton of potential for back and forths.

Being random is NOT the same as exaggerating.

Many people think that in order for you to exaggerate your comments, you have to say random things. Like if you guys are talking about a TV show you two like, saying something like “Pies are Funtastic” will destroy everything between you two like the fist of an angry God. She’s going to wonder why you even said something like that. Random isn’t appropriate all the time. You don’t want to leave girls puzzled.

The kinds of comments to exaggerate.

Even though you can almost exaggerate anything, there are a few things that work extremely well. When you’re talking about the temperature, or anything that has to do with numbers, it’s usually a good time to throw it in there. Other things I’d recommend are:

• Emotions (“I’m so happy I’m about to barf rainbows!“)
• An opinion (“That sandwich was so good I ate 12 of them and the kitchen it was made in.“)
• Describing size (“That girl’s ass is a fucking continent.” Don’t say this to a girl, though.)

Be Careful though..

If you exaggerate too much, or too stupidly, she’s just gonna think that you have nothing else to offer. It’s something that should be moderated. You shouldn’t also make them inane either. You wan’t to exaggerate and make sense doing so (does that make sense?).

What’s so great about it? Why not just keep it normal?

Like I mentioned, it’s a nice break from a serious conversation, it elicits laughter and it’s also a way to flirt with the girls. They obviously know you didn’t eat a whole horse when you were hungry or actually vomit a rainbow, but the imagery as well as the absurdity of the statement will usually make them laugh, and most times will have her participating. You know what that’s called? Establishing rapport.

Girls like it when a guy is silly. But don’t be a clown. You don’t want her to go from thinking “Wow, he’s got a sense of humor!” to “Is he ever serious?”. Serious is good, but silly works wonders when you sprinkle it throughout your conversation.

We all know that girls care the most about, well, themselves. They like to hear how good they look, how funny they are, how much you’re attracted to them and so forth. They are also tired of hearing the same shit over and over again. They know they’re beautiful. They know they have nice eyes.

They look at the mirror 57453 times during the day so they’re quite aware of these mindblowing observations you’re making. I’m not saying you shouldn’t compliment them anymore. I’m telling you that if you want to get their attention quickly and really get them hooked, learn to compliment effectively.

What you would normally say.

“You’re really pretty you know that?”
“I really love your eyes.”
“You’re beautiful.”

Ew. What the fuck are you saying, man? You know what you sound like? Every horny motherfucker she’s met in her life that’s trying to get in her pants. If this didn’t work for them, what makes you think you’re a special case? By now, she’s so sick of hearing that, no matter how great a guy you might be, she’ll just write you off as just more of the same.

“But shouldn’t I compliment girls? I thought this was very important!”

It’s very important actually. They like to be flattered, regardless of how much they say they don’t care. How can you compliment effectively and not like every other dude? You have to be subtle. You have to be subtle in your delivery and the content of the compliment.

Being subtle.

Being subtle requires detective work. You have to be very attentive to her; to what she says, what she looks like, what she’s wearing, etc. Observe carefully and find nice qualities about her.

When you compliment her, say something nice about her that she’ll never expect anybody but herself to be aware about. It throws them off balance and makes her ask “Whoa, who is this guy?”

She’ll never expect it.

When I’m on dates, I compliment a lot, but extremely subtly. I pay attention to everything about a girl–her hairstyle, her clothes, her make up, the kind of nail polish she’s wearing, what kind of shoes she’s wearing, her mannerisms, the kind of jewelry she’s wearing, the things she says, everything. This gives me ample ammunition to say some really nice things about her.

For example, I would say things like:

“You know, it’s pretty cool how your nail polish matches your shirt.”
“It’s really cute how you always look up when you say something exciting.”
“Do you use X Brand of lotion? Your hands smell great.”

Did you see the difference? When I compliment, it’s targeted at something about her. It’s not general bullshit. It’s stuff she doesn’t expect you to know or care about. It wasn’t IN YOUR FACE and I didn’t say things totally bluntly. Instead, I noticed things about her and I managed to tell her that she’s got a great sense of style, has cute mannerisms and is well groomed without ever saying it outright. That’s what I mean by being subtle. It’s works like magic for me and a lot of times has turned someone that was “just a friend” into my next hot date. It’s also drove my dates into potential girlfriend territory.

Room for expansion!

When you get good at this, you can also throw in a tease and get more opportunities to further things. For example, me telling her about her hands smelling nice not only let’s me compliment her, but I can then proceed to touch her hands (since we’re on the subject!) and then further compliment her by saying something about her hands being soft and pleasant to hold. You got her comfortable and you got her feeling good about herself without sounding desperate or like a creep, and she allowed you to touch her. It’s practically set.

Complimenting subtly and effectively will help you get closer to girls quite easily. Remember, you can’t only compliment her during the conversation. Throw in some tease, make her laugh, and keep her interested. Just remember to sprinkle in the compliments throughout and you’ll have her hooked.

Is there still room for the classic compliments?

Absolutely. However, I’d advise to save them until she is a lot more comfortable with you, perhaps on your third or fourth date.

One of the most infuriating things is when you call or message somebody and they either don’t respond, or that they take forever in doing so. It’s tolerable with your friends or anybody else that you call, but something in our brains press the giant red “PISSED OFF” button whenever it’s a girl that you’re interested in that does that. We start bitching and moaning and just act like little babies and jump to many conclusions. What you need to realize is that, there’s a very small chance that she’s actually doing it to piss you off or even intentionally.

She has a life

Yes, it might come as a shock to you, but your girl/prospect/object of affection has things to do in her life. Even more surprising is that she also has (gasp!) other people to talk with! Generally, she’s either hanging out with friends, on the phone already or just busy living life. Get it into your brain that her life doesn’t revolve around you and she’s allowed to miss a call or two. Usually, she’s totally unaware that this really bothers you.

Her side of the story

She will most likely call back. And if not, she probably had something to do. Maybe she was being considerate and thought you were sleeping or at work or something. Girls are quite timid and unless she’s absolutely obsessed with you (which is when you should bail), they’ll only call you when they think you may have a free time. Ever had a phone call from a girl and you told her you were busy? They get really apologetic to a point where they feel like they committed a crime. They like to avoid feeling like they’re intruding.

Don’t let it get to you

You shouldn’t hold a grudge against her for that. After all, if you were in her position and you had shit to do, a phone call wouldn’t be quite high in your list of priorities. That also means that you should at one point call her back. Not that same day, but perhaps the day after. You’re not being macho by not calling her back until she does. Instead, that just shows how much of a little bitchass you are by letting a small incident affect you. Man up and call her back later if she doesn’t get to. You don’t want your pride to potentially ruin something that might be fruitful. In the mean time, don’t sit around all day for that phone call. Do something productive.

Although sometimes…

There’s a small chance when she’s actually ignoring your calls on purpose. Sometimes she’s not that into you at all (but you should’ve figured this out already) Girls are also fucking idiots sometimes and they often get stupid ideas from their harem of friends. A couple of girls I’ve had the (dis)pleasure of knowing had a habit of testing guys by not picking up, or purposely played distant and hard-to-get to see how quickly and how many times the guy will call them back. A test of devotion.

And how would you know if you’re just being a guinea pig? Easy, she’ll tell you. After they’re done having their fun, they’ll just admit it outright that they were just messing with you and they wanted a laugh here and there. They think it’s fun and they expect you to go “Oh, hahaha you sure got me!” If your girl falls into that small minority, its best you tell her to eat a dick and promptly make your exit from her life.

Those that possess a silver tongue are Gods amongst men. Having great conversation skills is often overlooked a lot and most don’t realize the importance of it. Knowing how to talk and how to talk well can yield you many benefits, especially with women. You can be a wealthy person with great looks and nice cars, but if you don’t know how to hold up a conversation (or worse, don’t know how to communicate well at all), you’re going to be in a lot of trouble.

Be forward

When you’re talking to a girl, you have to take initiative a lot. Meaning, don’t wait around for her to choose a topic or lead the direction of the conversation. That makes you look like you lack leadership and girls consider that as a turn off. When you are talking to her, make sure you’re always talking about something. You never want to have any quiet time. Any silence that lasts for more than 2-3 seconds is considered quiet time.

Try to avoid that like the plague because it shows her that you have nothing interesting to say and you’re boring. There have been times when I had nothing to say, and me and the girl would look around awkwardly. It’s pretty much like taking a dump on any dynamic that you two may have had prior. You need to keep the flow going.

Open-ended statements allow the conversation to grow

The truth is that you can talk about the most menial of things and make a conversation out of it, but you have to approach in an open way. What this means is that you must ask her open ended questions. Open ended questions are questions that don’t have a “Yes” or “No” answer. They are something you can build off of. Best part is that you can come up with open ended questions about ANY topic. Remember, avoid questions or comments that will elicit a yes or no answer because they give you zero room to work with.

P.I.E

Now that you know what to talk about, how do you keep it up?

The contents of your conversation should be positive, interesting, and engaging. A good way to keep up a conversation is to find out something about her and then build on it. For example, you can ask her what she did over the weekend and she says she went dancing. You can then talk to her about things like what kind of dancing she likes, how she feels about dancing, how you’re also interested in dancing, etc.

The key here is that you must BUILD off of what she replies with. Listen to what she’s saying and respond in a manner that will have her bounce back with something else and so forth. Try to avoid “closing statements” such as “Cool”, and “That’s nice” because you don’t want to just end the conversation right there. There is always potential to keep any topic going. Keep it fun and positive–you want her to laugh and generally like what you two are talking about.

The DON’Ts

Beware though; there are a few strict topics that you should NOT talk about, ever. They are instant turn offs and will jeopardize anything that you’ve got going.

I will kill you if you discuss:

• Your problems, whether it’s personal, financial, health, family, etc. She isn’t here for you to vent.
• HER problems. If she brings it up, try to change the topic ASAP. You’re not her psychiatrist.
• Previous relationships. Don’t ever bring it up. Period.
• Any kinds of complaints or criticisms about anything. Nobody wants to be near a bitter critic.
• Serious things like religion, philosophy, or politics. Save it for the forums or when you’re drunk with your friends.
• How much money you make/how successful you are. It just comes off as gloating, arrogant, and cocky (the bad kind). Bragging will make you look immature if anything.

When you talk to a girl, you have to keep her listening. You want her to have fun, engaged, and generally interested in what you’re saying. She needs to think to herself, “Wow! I’m really having fun talking to him!” which will keep her hooked and coming back for more. Remember; say open ended statements which will promote responses from her which you can then use as a platform to further the conversation. When you always have something interesting to say, you’ll always have somebody interested in listening.

Generally, girls like to be acknowledged. They like it a lot when you approach them to talk to them. There are the obvious warning signs as to when you should avoid them or not even bother, but regardless, they want to be talked to. Maybe you aspire to just lose inhibition or be a player. All those abilities will come in time, however, the first step in whatever you want to do—whether you want to become more social or improve your game and collect numbers— you need to start talking to girls, anywhere and everywhere.

It’s Simple

It’s just as simple as saying “Hi” to them. There is no need to start up a conversation, no pick up lines, no planned encounters. You see a girl, you just say “Hi” to them. That’s it. You’ll be surprised how much this works. For one, it really helps you lose that inhibition. You can ponder for hours thinking about the perfect plan and opener but in reality, just being yourself works better than anything.

When you just say “Hi” to a girl without any event leading up to it, they will be taken back. Being the prideful bitches they are they will think that you must have some large fucking balls to even do something like that. You’ll be on her mind for a while, if not all day. Mission Accomplished.

Don’t be reckless

Despite all that, there are some things you should follow. For one, only do something if they’re looking at your direction. You don’t want to come from behind and spook her out, and possibly get yelled at scratched. Also, if they’re on their iPod or just preoccupied, it’s also advisable to just stay the fuck away. Remember, the point is you overcoming your uneasiness.

If your initial approach leads to a conversation, that’s even better, but that isn’t your primary goal. I suggest you should only do the hello thing as you’re passing her or in a situation where you won’t have to be next to her for too long. Trust me, saying “Hi” to somebody and then just sticking around them in silence makes things extremely awkward and she’ll think you’re a creeper or weirdo.

Good times to say “Hi”

• You’re passing a girl in the mall and she looks your way as she’s walking closer
• You’re jogging and she happens to run towards your direction
• You’re shopping and a girl is nearby

Terrible times to say “Hi”

• She’s busy with something
• She’s with a friend or a group of people
• She’s not looking towards your general direction

As you keep it up, you’ll realize how easy it is to approach girls in general. Build up your confidence, and learn how to keep up the conversation, you’ll realize how easy it is to strike up a lengthy conversation. Before you know it, you’ll wonder why the fuck you were having problems in the first place.

Go out there and do some field work, soldiers!